


Unsaid Words

by Vanz_182



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean is suicidal, M/M, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27493996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanz_182/pseuds/Vanz_182
Summary: Cas is gone and Dean isn't coping well, at all as Sam is soon to learn.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	Unsaid Words

Dean remained in the dungeon for - well he wasn’t sure how much time had passed - but it was enough for Sam and Jack to have returned. The intruders could have been anyone but he didn’t care, he couldn’t care about anything. He knew it was them when Sam had rounded the corner calling his name.

Dean lifted his head, all the energy he could muster for now and rested it on his now folded arms over his knees. Sam glanced around the room and realization hit him almost instantaneously. _Cas is gone._

“Dean,” Sam spoke just above a whisper, afraid of the uncertain state of his brother. _Is he sad? Angry? Was Cas gone temporarily or_ -

“I,” Dean started but couldn’t finish the explanation because the tears started and they wouldn’t stop coming, the lump in his throat was too big, too hard to swallow. Jack rounded the corner then, stopping back at the door and noticing the bloody sigal; for once being more observant than Sam.

“Blood.” Sam snapped his head in the direction on Jack, shock and concern hitting him as he saw what Jack was pointing out. His attention once again focused on his brother, he looked at his arms, reaching for his hands to inspect a possible injury.

“Sam,” Jack interrupts again, “it’s Angel blood.”

His eyes finally notice the handprint on Dean’s shirt. A choked sob escapes Dean and ever-the-slow Jack, finally notices Castiel’s absence. His footsteps are slow and light, cautious as they approach Sam and Dean. Sam swallows and reaches out to help his brother stand up but Dean swats him away with force, choked sobs escaping him left and right.  
He doesn’t want to move, not now and not ever. This is where Cas last was and the naive and childish part of him believed that if he stayed in this spot, Cas would come back to him. Maybe it was him being naive or the hope that he’d annoy the empty again and it would spit him back out, right here.  
Regardless, Dean refused to move.  
He was mourning.

Jack and Sam shared a look before Jack exited the room to grieve on his own, another kind of loss setting in, realizing Cas was dead all over again. He’d been dead when Jack was born and he was dead now, when Jack needed him most.

Unsure of what to do or how to help his brother, Sam turned for the door, glancing back at his brother once again, their eyes meeting before Sam was out of eyesight. Dean wouldn’t move and Sam could sit with his brother, sure, but Dean wanted to be alone - he needed to be. Besides, Sam would be of more use looking through books, trying to figure out how the hell to retrieve an angel from where he assumed was the empty. Maybe there was a way to kill the entity that ruled the empty?  
“Damn it, Cas,” Sam curses under his breath.

•

🕒

•  
  


Three hours passed before Sam saw Dean enter the map room, feet dragging. Sam had seen his brother sad before, had seen him angry, had seen him so down that he was ready to throw himself at anything and everything fatal but this…Sam had not seen Dean like this.

Motionless, silenced.

“Dean?” Sam was hush when speaking, treading in the unexplored waters of Dean’s emotions and he was afraid of being drowned.

“Sam.” Dean cut him off with one word, holding up a shaking hand to silence his brother. No more talking, no more dwelling on it - he can’t. If he lets himself go there, he’s afraid he won’t come back.

They spent another two hours in silence apart from the pages Sam flipped and the echoing footsteps every time Dean left to get another 6 pack from the fridge - he’d gone through three already and if Dean hadn’t silenced him earlier, he might’ve made a comment about alcohol poisoning. There was also the annoying scratch of pen to paper as Dean continued writing whatever the fuck he was writing for 2 hours and it was driving Sam crazy not knowing what was going through his head.

Another 30 minutes and 3 drinks later, Dean announced his departure to his bedroom, leaving behind the mysterious - whatever it was and an empty whiskey glass. Sam continued flipping pages, a few glances slewn about to the paper before his curiosity got the better of him. He made his way to the chair his brother had previously been in and began reading the scribbled drunken words.

_Here it goes, Cas._

_I’m pissed. I’m pissed at you because you acted as if everything was fine for weeks, months, and that we’d all move on like nothing ever happened. I’m pissed because you promised me the next time you thought of doing something stupid, you’d let me know. I’m pissed cause you left. I’m pissed cause you made all the decisions for me - for us._   
_I wasn’t ready for your deathbed love confession, **again.**_

“What,” Sam whispers, eyes bugging out of his head as he reads. _Cas told Dean...oh_.  
Sam was starting to understand the silence, the lack of words. Dean couldn’t possibly have words for this - Sam didn’t when he found out about Eileen, the first person he could truly see himself marrying since Jess. He takes a shallow breath before continuing to read.

_I wasn’t ready for you to leave - I’m not ready to let you go. I can’t do this alone, Cas. I wouldn’t have made it this far without you._

Okay, _ouch_ , Sam thought.

_You kept me going after the demon blood took over Sam, you kept me going after he was in the pit with Lucifer, when he was soulless and I couldn’t count on anyone. It was you that kept me pushing for so long, it was you. Damn it, it’s always been you. Lisa, Ben - I forgave you for that because I had you and Sam. I forgave you because if I’d lost you too, I wouldn’t be able to breathe. But I lost you anyway because you wouldn’t let me in, because you teamed up with Crowley and lost your head. I lost you when Lucifer killed you. I lost you in purgatory, twice in fact._

_I’ve mourned you more times that I thought capable but I can’t…_

Sam takes a deep breath and blinks back his own tears, sitting back in the old wooden chair. Dean would never write his feelings like this. Dean could never... _but he did?_  
Sam was too invested now, despite knowing deep-down that it was wrong and he was invading his brother’s privacy.

_I can’t mourn you again. I can’t because this time is different and I know you aren’t coming back - I can’t because I have already come to terms with that and now…_

Sam felt something, he wasn’t sure if it was fear or sadness, but the fact that his love-letter? - whatever it was- ended there was more than alarming. Sam’s heavy footsteps carried him swiftly down the halls of the bunker to Dean’s room and the open door was even more frightening. He pushed it open without a thought and held his breath.

“Dean. Don’t,” Sam rushed in a panic, voice raising above what he’s been speaking in all night.

“Please don’t,” he begs, taking slow steps into the room. His eyes were focused on the needle in Dean’s hands. He recognized it from last year, when they were on a case and Dean stopped his heart to find and free kids from an old asylum. Sam’s eyes flicked to the zip-case it’s kept it with the antidote - _oh god, it’s gone._  
Dean froze but his brother’s pleading wasn’t hitting him like it used to, it was like a distant song; in the air but lost to his ears.

“We’ll bring him back, Dean, we’ll figure it out. Please,” Sam pleads, heart racing. If he does this, Sam has no way to bring him back, any spell he does will be too little too late.

“He’s not coming back, Sammy.”

“Dean-”

“It’s over, Sam! Don’t you realize that? Nothing we have, nothing we do will bring him back!” It was sad but seeing Dean drop the needle and stand to face him in red-hot anger, made him sigh of relief. _This_ is the Dean he knows.  
Jack pops up from the doorway and pops his head in, alarmed by the screaming up the hall from his room.

Sam wanted to say something comforting, reassuring Dean that they’d find a way but he knew Dean was right; the empty was foreign to them, they had no books or spells - Cas was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> This was terribly sad and I'd apologize but honestly, there will probably be worse ones in this series.


End file.
